Have you found it difficult to move on after your divorce? I totally understand that it can be very tough. It feels like your whole world has been shaken and turned upside down. You may even be feeling stuck, scared, and unsure of what comes next. You may also find yourself feeling depleted mentally, emotionally, and physically. But there is hope. Always remember that brighter days are ahead and the best is yet to come.
Understand that you can not change your former spouse
The first thing I needed to learn is that I could not change my former spouse. I needed to let go of past dreams. I allowed my former spouse to live rent free in my head for a while by wondering how I could have done things differently or if I changed something about myself, I would have been more of whatever he liked or wanted me to be. So many things rolled around in my head that sometimes I drove myself nuts with the thoughts! Then the truth started inching its way into my thoughts and that truth was that I do not have control over him. I only have control over myself, my thoughts and my actions and reactions. Slowly but surely I started focusing on what I could control and found myself moving on.
Here are some tips for moving on after a divorce:
Focus on your gratitude
I found that if I focused on the good things I was enjoying in my new life, I was less likely to think of him. I invite you to wake up every morning and start the day with a gratitude practice. And, I invite you to end the day with a gratitude practice. This doesn’t have to be complicated, or time consuming. Simply spend a few minutes reflecting on the things you are grateful for. It can be something as simple as getting to watch the sunrise while drinking your morning coffee. Or watching your kids play well together. Or maybe that your boss sent you a thank you note and you are grateful for being recognized.
Prioritize your self care:
One of the best ways to take care of your and your health as you move on from your divorce is to mindfully focus on self-care. Make it part of your daily routine to spend even just a few minutes prioritizing yourself and your self care. This could be simply allowing time for an extra few minutes to relax in a hot shower, or making the time to go for a walk around the neighborhood after work, or snuggling up in bed to read a few pages of your book before bed. Self care doesn’t have to be the big things we often think of such as massages, vacations, etc. It can be simple and small things added throughout your day. And remember that self care is not selfish!
Rediscover what makes you happy
As you go through your after divorce healing journey, you’re likely to find yourself with a bit more free time than you’re used to. I invite you to take this extra time to explore and rediscover the things that make you happy. Maybe you used to enjoy sewing, but haven’t dusted off your machine in a few years. Maybe what makes you happy is joining in a fitness class with friends, or writing handwritten letters to friends and family. Spend some time each week doing the little things that make you happy. What you’ll find is that overall they’ll bring a sense of peace and calmness to your life, and of course, some extra happiness.
One of the biggest things to work on as you navigate through a divorce is the practice of creating healthy boundaries and firmly sticking to them. These boundaries include communication with your Ex, your family, and your friends. Learn to say “no” to the things that don’t bring a sense of peace within you and resist from engaging in conversations, activities, and environments that spark intense emotions within you.
Be kind to yourself
As I said earlier, it’s easy to get caught up in the “what ifs” “could have” “should have” thinking as you go through your after divorce healing journey, It’s easy to blame yourself for what went wrong and what happened. However, it’s very important to be kind to yourself and remember that you are now doing what is right for you, you are doing what is needed to move forward. Show yourself some grace and kindness, and have your own back during this time of transition.
Psalm 9:9-10, The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Remember to lean on God as you navigate through these life changes. On the good and on the bad days equally, God is with you.