Boundaries

Tips To Setting Healthy Boundaries After Divorce

A person with healthy boundaries takes responsibility for his or her own life and allows others to live theirs. The goal of boundaries is to make sacrifices for people when appropriate, but never in a destructive manner. We should be available for people in a crisis, but unavailable to indulgent demands. Being gracious is not a blank check for others to continually drain our emotional bank account. Saying “yes” out of fear of rejection is really a selfish motive for being kind. Being kind in order to gain someone’s favor smacks of hypocrisy and shows a need for boundaries. Fear of man’s disapproval can lead to codependency, the unhealthy alternative to inter-dependency.

Boundaries teach us to accept one another as being different yet still valuable. God uses boundaries to help us appreciate the differences in people rather than be upset by them. We are free to be ourselves with others if we control ourselves. Boundaries are not selfish when we use our freedom to serve and love one another because we are keeping our own flesh under control. In godly relationships, both people are free to love each other and to be themselves because neither is using or manipulating the other.

Tips And Strategies To Set Boundaries After Divorce

Turn to family and friends. There is no substitute for family and good friends to support and encourage you when the chips are down. Sometimes just talking to someone can lift your spirits and help take the weight off your shoulders. Having someone listen to your concerns helps make you feel supported and understood, which in turn encourages you to look at things differently.

Strengthen your relationship with Jesus. Read faith based books, join a support group at your church, spend quality quiet time while reading your Bible and praying, watch various pastors on TV or online, find a mentor, and develop faith filled friendships. In Psalms 146:5-6 NIV we learn, “Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever.”

Cultivate a variety of interests. Read more, go to the movies or a play, listen to great music, enjoy beautiful art, and learn to dance. Engaging in healthy and mind-expanding activities can preoccupy you when you need a healthy distraction. Not only do they preoccupy you, they help you grow and develop, therefore leave less time to brood or stay down for too long.
Exercise and play sports. Have an assortment of exercises or fun sports you can draw upon to work out and let off some pent up energy and steam. There is nothing like a good workout to stimulate your happy hormones (endorphins). The after-effects can last up to three hours and put you in a positive frame of mind.
Take a short, affordable trip. We all have someplace we've always wanted to visit, but just never got around to. Travel to a big city such as New York City, Montreal, Boston or Toronto and partake of the cultural treasures it has to offer. It can expand your horizons and give you that change of scenery you need. If you happen to live in one of these bustling big cities, take a trip to the country-side and enjoy the peaceful surroundings.
Create a quiet place or sanctuary for yourself. Find a quiet place in your home, a corner in your local library, or a park where you can go to pray and be rejuvenated. In your home it could be a nice bubble bath with candles and soft music playing. In the library you could find a secluded corner where you can curl up with a book and be lost to the world. You can go for a stroll in the park and enjoy the flowers, trees and birds and connect with the surroundings.
Volunteer at a hospital or a home for the handicapped. Take a day and volunteer your services to someone who needs your help. Giving support is as important as receiving it. It helps to put things in perspective. When we help others, we ultimately help ourselves!

Setting Boundaries Isn't Easy, But Needed

Healthy boundaries honor everyone involved. I encourage you to take the high road and follow Godly principles with your former spouse in setting boundaries with them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard men and women just trash their former spouse by telling dishonoring stories about them. I have been guilty of that myself in the past. What I realized is what that said was more about me, rather than my former spouse. After all, we made the decision to be in a relationship with our former spouses at one point. It begs the question of what went wrong. Did you not date long enough? Were there red flags that we ignored? Obviously there weren’t honoring boundaries involved because it takes two people to make a relationship work or not work. It’s that simple.

These tips and strategies will definitely move you in the right direction towards healing, but it doesn’t mean this process is easy. Most cases setting boundaries means breaking deep rooted habits and beliefs.

You know what makes that easier? Having the right support system around you to lift you up and keep you going through this process.

That is exactly why people just like yourself in the same position as you join my newsletter. To put themselves into a community of people that are choosing not to see themselves as victims and to move forward in a Godly way.

As a bonus you will also receive a free copy of my book Destine After Divorce. I go even deeper into the Godly principles of boundaries and so much more throughout the book.

Just click the link below to claim your free copy and to join a newsletter focused on your healing and growth. See you in there!

Move forward on your healing journey today!

Yours in healing,

Coree

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