Divorce Support

Focusing On What You CAN Control

One thing I learned after divorce was that it was hard to know what to do next. There were the obvious things of course such as going to work, making a new home for my daughters, etc. But there was so much that was out of control. 

Here is my advice on what to do next by focusing on the things that you CAN control.

Focus and decide on what needs to be done in order to function on a day in-day out basis.

Start big and work your way backwards with this. Big things would be examples like going to work and/or taking care of your children and their needs and activities. Then, think about things such as cooking/preparing meals, getting adequate sleep, and so on.

Depending on your situation, this may also include things such as adapting to a new home. And adapting to all of the changes in the daily normalcy that come with it. You may be finding yourself in need of creating new structure and new routines for you and the kids.

Focus on the things that may not be part of your daily routine, but are still important.

Once you have a clear picture and plan of what needs to be done on a daily basis in order to function and keep your family functioning, it’s time to take a look at other pieces of the puzzle. These are things that aren’t necessarily daily, but they matter too.

Look at your finances to start. It’s important to get a clear picture on where you are at with your finances. Knowing where you are currently will help you to create a budget and a plan that fits your new life to keep you moving forward.

Look at the weekly activities you and your family attend. Activities such as church, sporting events, going grocery shopping, attending family get-togethers and whatever else is a part of your weekly lifestyle. 

It’s also important to consider and look at your children’s visitation schedule with your former spouse. This will help you know when you will have your children, and when you will not. This will then help you plan your new daily and weekly schedules.

Focus on the things that are important for yourself to do.

One of the most important things to prioritize as you navigate your healing journey after divorce is yourself and self care. Make sure you are setting firm boundaries and reserving at least 2-3 hours in your schedule per week for “you time.” This is time for you to get coffee with a friend, snuggle up on the couch with a book, practice yoga and meditation, and do what brings you joy and peace in your life. 

It’s also important to take an honest assessment about how you are doing in your job or career. Your work is likely a big part of your life and it’s important to take a look at it. Evaluate what you could be doing better, prioritizing more, or asking for help with. 

This is just a basic list of things that you CAN control. Remember that you do not have control over your former spouse including what they say or do. Instead, recognize that you have your own life now and determine what you want it to look like. If you determine that you have no control over something, let it go and focus on the things that you do have control over. 

Check out this earlier blog I wrote on 3 Ways To Rebuild Your Life. These tips can come in handy as well as you focus on what you can control.

And always remember this, as the Bible says in Deuteronomy 31:8.“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.”

In this time of transition, the Lord is with you always. Lean on him for support and  guidance. I am here as well. If you need help in determining what is truly in your control and what you should be focusing on, book your complimentary consultation here. 

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